Blessed Ambassador

Complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others mote significant than yourselves. Let each of you not look to his own interest but also to the interest of others.
Philipians 2:2-4

Have you ever had a moment when you can clearly see what God has used you for? Where he has reached through you to touch another? It is an awe striking moment that leaves you with an overwhelming sense of purpose. A beautiful reminder of who He is and the mystery that so encapsulates the essence of His power. Far reaching and life changing. God has been using me this week He gave me words to encourage perseverance when I really wanted to crawl into my friends despair and admit defeat. He gave me eyes to see pain where most would have seen busyness and exhaustion. Even in small things I have seen His work this week. I wonder at His timing. Just when the world seems so dark a hopeless he offers a candle that casts its warm dancing light all around touching just what it needs to to illuminate the darkness. Reminding me that His work is Beauty and Love. More importantly it is well worth the tears and pain that the battle brings.
Then the humbling realization that He chose to use me! Why? Who am I that I deserve to be a part of His work? That I should have the honor of praying with and for those I love. That I should be blessed to speak His words to another. That I should be his instrument of encouragement and Truth.
I can count on one hand the moments when I could clearly point to His work in me being used to draw another closer to him. I know that He uses me daily but I don't often see it and I don't always look for it. Every once in a great while I see such a clear picture of how He used me and it is beautiful, amazing , humbling, encouraging.

I pray that we all look for those moments more that we would open ourselves to step outside our little worlds long enough to reach someone other than ourselves. This is ministry this is the great commission. That we share the depths of our lives with each other so that His Glory may be seen in each of us. So that He may use us to Bless others abundantly and isn't that a part of the Blessing? To be used?

Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.
2 Corinthians 5:20

...It's still raining

As you read these words know they come from my heart. The deepest parts where my doubts and anguish live. Know that even just by writing these words down I have wrestled with myself. Above all know that I KNOW the Truth. I KNOW our God and I KNOW that someday it will be answered but for today this is my struggle.

Today I searched for a verse that fit my mood. It's funny how often we do that as if the Bible were an encyclopedia of answers to all our problems. An A-Z list of dilemmas. Not to my surprise it didn't work and it didn't help. Today my heart is heavy. I am struggling to find God amidst the painful realities of living in a fallen world. I know in my head, in my knowledge of who He is, that I serve a loving, wise, merciful God. Today my heart is not convinced. It is easy for me to offer platitudes of comfort for those around me suffering. "God is sovereign" "His plan is best" or concerning the passing of a loved one (my favorite "consolations" ) "He is in a better place". None of these dull the pain of watching your baby slip away(or someone else's baby. None of these bring back missed loved ones. There are no words and no actions to offer when the people we walk so closely with and care so much about are in pain. The pain I speak of is the helpless pain of a ravaging illness. I can handle the daily doses of misery. The stubbed toe, the plant that you nurture to death, even a sudden shocking death I can handle. It's the slow agonizing silent killers that boggle my faith. I do not understand how a loving God can allow such pain in such small bodies. It breaks my heart. My promise of salvation seems so distant and empty. It feels like a hollow offer when the pain is so prevalent, so real and insurmountable. How are we to expect anyone to see around pain like that. I have watched this pain at a more intimate perspective this year. I have gained a new vision for what cancer is. I have understood it on a cognitive level. Never before have I seen it's work so closely and truly in the depths of my soul understood it's destruction. I have no words of my own I only have tears to respond with. I have to platitudes or even scripture to cover this pain with. They all feel like a child's band aide used to cover a gaping flesh wound. These are the words I am striving to believe and practice but as the day grows nearer and the prayers seem to fall on deaf ears it is increasingly harder to say "I will Praise You" .

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.
~Casting Crowns

Moments of Joy

The Last few days I have been very busy! I feel like I have so much to say but I still do not have all the time I would like to write. So here are my short lists. The vital parts of my week since I have last written.

My struggles: gatherings where food is as much part of the event as the people. I have been to two now and have withheld from eating but....I felt like a failure and found myself asking forgiveness. Each time I am faced with food choices that are not fitting the "plan" I have been quite loud in announcing exactly why I could not eat those things. I dramatically, I am sure, looked longingly at the coveted morsel of edible pleasure. Of course It wasn't until much later, like earlier today, as I was reviewing my conversations at one said event that I realized how much of it was focused on the things I could not eat! How dare I! God in his loving and quiet way whispered in my ear "This was your choice! you are not a martyr!" and again "I thought this was about Me?" Sheepishly I say "oh ya"
Allowing myself to get in the way of what God is doing in my life! As usual! Somewhere in the last three days I let the focus on joy part of my month commitment vanish. So the rest of my rantings for the day shall be focused solely on the small moments and big moments of joy!

1. Saturday was an exhausting day for me! It was one of those days where you wake up feeling like it MUST be 4am but it's really 8:30 and you have exactly 45 min to get myself fed, dressed, a lunch packed, and out the door for work. When I returned home I was tired but ready to tackle all the projects at home I had been neglecting because "I'm detoxing" only to remember a commitment I had made to help another family. I was just about to excuse myself from that commitment (which for those who don't know me I NEVER do) When that still small voice reminded me of a blog I had written not a day or two before about finding joy in serving others! The point of this long paragraph is...it works! I dragged 3 (resistant) boys to spend what was left of my Saturday to help sort, pack, clean and haul all the while entertaining babies, and feeding kids, and the family we were helping, the AMAZING smelling pizza I could not eat! Surprisingly...I had SO much fun and was so energized by the time we got home I could not sleep! I was filled with a joy that only comes from serving!

2. I LOVE cooking challenges one of my favorite TV programs is Chopped, every round is a new mystery basket full of odd ingredients the chefs must turn into the winning dish! Food allergies, aversions, dislikes, intolerances??? Bring it!! I had forgotten how much fun I have cooking with so many restrictions! There is nothing like a good challenge to bring out some amazingly creative meals! I get joy from cooking with challenging restrictions.

3. My husband loves me! I get joy from knowing that my marriage is blessed by God

4. I got a massage this week to aid in my detox! I get joy from taking care of myself

5.I got a kiss from a 6 mo old baby girl who has stolen my heart! Children bring me joy!

6. Watching my 8 year old read to a 3 year old. the next day watching my 7 year old "protect" the same 3 year old from my sisters ovrely affectionate dog who can't hold his licker. Watching my boys grow and seeing glimpses of the great men, fathers and husbands they will be fills me with joy!

Here is some scripture that I have been meditating on today great reminders of where our joy comes from and encouragement for when we need it most:

For the LORD comforts Zion; he comforts all her waste places and makes her wilderness like Eden, her desert like the garden of the LORD; joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the voice of song.

Isaiah 51:3

How encouraging! He turns all that I ruin and destroy and abuse into something beautiful! Even my "waste" is made perfect in him! My mistakes and selfishness and feeble attempts at obedience are redeemed!

For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.
Romans 14:17

It's not about the food!! It's about the King! It's about righteousness and peace and joy!

For I have derived much joy and comfort from your love, my brother, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you.

Philemon 1:7

I cherish the times when I find joy hiding in the heart of another! I love the time I get to spend with my sisters in Christ! It brings me great joy and comfort knowing that I might be used to refresh the hearts of fellow saints! I had to look up synonyms for refresh! It's one of my favorite things to do with words, remind myself of the depths of their meaning by looking at synonyms here is refreshed for you! (the underlined words have no personal significance they will link to other lists of synonyms on the site I copied this from :>)

brace, breathe new life into, bring around, brush up, cheer, cool, enliven, exhilarate, freshen, inspirit, jog, modernize, prod, prompt, quicken, reanimate, recreate, regain, reinvigorate, rejuvenate, renovate, repair, replenish, restore, resuscitate, revitalize, revive, revivify, stimulate, update, vivify

Supporting your detox!

Now when the turn came for each young woman to go in to King Ahasuerus, after being twelve months under the regulations for the women, since this was the regular period of their beautifying, six months with oil of myrrh and six months with spices and ointments for women--
Esther 2:12

Almost a year ago, I had the opportunity to speak on this passage in Esther. I have had many ideas tumbling around in my head today that I believe are note worthy. I was searching the Bible for some insight into these thoughts and I remembered this passage. When doing my research for my sharing time I found something that really hit me! Myrrh is often used in eastern medicine for the purpose of cleansing blood, improving circulation, having a beneficial change on the heart liver and spleen. I found it particularly interesting that the virgins were required to complete a 6 month cleansing ritual from the inside out beginning with their circulation and liver! This was before they began the beautifying treatments of cosmetics and perfumes. So how does this relate to now? My point is not to go out and get yourself some Myrrh. As I was washing dishes (Jewel!) and then moved on to shower and get ready for the day. I was noticing the many many many chemicals we add to our lives and I was wondering how those were effecting my detox. I was wondering what else should we be fasting from? Are we, only cleansing partially? I was reminded of a great video a freind had posted awhile ago and thought you'd all enjoy it!

I was feeling a bit like the pharisees that Jesus rebuked for only cleansing half the pot! I have renounced my daily alluminum dose in the form of a deodrant stick. But what about the rest? Just something to consider!
I was also thinking about other things that would support detoxification. Yesterday I expounded upon the benefits of water. Last night Jewel and I had the opportunity to discuss Tea! I have been drinking Yogi peach detox and Jewel has been drinking Traditional Medicinal Detox. I am sure there are others out there I have also been including Licorice tea and warm water with lemon.
I have the amazing blessing of having a massage therapist as a mother in law. She is very knowledgeable on the benefits of aromatherapy and essential oils as well as Lymphatic drainage massage. I received from my wonderful husband the gift of massage for Christmas and look forward to a visit to my mother in law this month. Here is a link with details on what Lymphatic drainage is and how it works. Afetr a discussion of oils with her I will get back to you all!



http://www.massagetherapy101.com/massage-techniques/lymphatic-massage.aspx

Discipline and water

With joy you will draw waters from the wells of salvation
Isaiah 12:3

And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.
Isaiah 58:11

Struggles: Water! It has been difficult for me to maintain a balance level of water. Some days it feels like I am overdoing it, waterlogged and over flushed and other days, like yesterday I have felt dehydrated and under watered. Today I have decided to only drink with food and to drink water before I drink anything else. For example, before I had my coffee I drank 4 oz of water with each meal I have had water. Then before and after a workout I will drink 32 oz just to be sure I am well hydrated.

"If water carries the miracle of life, it also has the power to perpetuate, amplify it and enhance it's dynamic, with the condition of being open to it's message."
taken from www.health-benefit-of-water-.com

We all know the benefits of water we've heard it a thousand times! However, I know that too much water will flush vital minerals and sodium from you as well, it's all about balance! So drink up! Any suggestions on how you regulate your own water intake?


Triumphs: I am not hungry all the time! I have not felt too huge of a desire to eat outside my parameters. Ryan and I were shopping yesterday and I was oohing and ahhing over all the baked goods and looking longingly at the cheese. He reminded me that it is good to deny myself instant pleasures.

But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I should be disqualified
1corinthians 9:27

Lesson Two and Three: Water and Discipline!

Joy thief Number 2: Lack of discipline.

Application: It is good to deny yourself momentarily for the greater joy of discipline. One of my favorite quotes that I hold close and remind myself of regularly, especially when I am feeling my own desires are not being fulfilled:

"It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition [and cheese, and chocolate, and artisan bread, and prime rib....] when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

C.S Lewis.

Our God loves us! He created our world full of pleasures! Beauty, amazement, splendor, indulgence, and enchantment. He wants us to enjoy our time here. However He created us! He knows us! He knows that we are easily pleased with his creation, wasn't it the temptation of his created fruit that caused Eve to sin? Discipline is knowing when to enjoy and when to wait, or abstain all together.
Wiki says:

Self-discipline refers to the training that one gives oneself to accomplish a certain task or to Self-discipline is to some extent a substitute for motivation, when one uses reason to determine a best course of action that opposes one's desires. Virtuous behavior is when one's motivations are aligned with one's reasoned aims: to do what one knows is best and to do it gladly. Continent behavior, on the other hand, is when one does what one knows is best, but must do it by opposing one's motivations.^[3] Moving from continent to virtuous behavior requires training and some self-discipline.

I was particularly interested in the difference between Continent and virtuous behavior. Definitely in the Continent behavior stage right now! Hoping to move quickly to the virtuous behavior stage!

Recipes: Last nights dinner: Acorn squash and black bean soup: roasted 1 whole acorn squash, 1 red pepper, 1 passilla pepper. peeled skin off all and chopped. Sauteed 1/2 an onion and a tbs of minced garlic in the bottom of a pot. added roasted vegetables, pureed with my immersion blender (or you can keep in chunky!) added 3 cups of cooked black beans. I also added but you may omit, 3tbs of cumin, 1tbs of chipotle powder. For those of you still enjoying dairy it would be awesome with a dollop of sour cream! For complete protein serve with rice.

breakfast: sauteed 1 cup diced fresh papaya, and 1/4 c raisins in a pan, added 1 c cooked rice and 1 c almond milk until rice was warmed and almost pudding like. I mixed in a pinch of cardamom but cinnamon or allspice or clove would be great too!

lunch: Mountain high roll up wrap filled with : homemade baba ghanoush, sliced red pepper, spinach, sliced tomato, avocado and a few dots of sarachi sauce (there is a small amount of sugar in sarachi)

Enjoy with water and discipline!

Day 3 for me

You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
Psalm 16:11

Today is day 3 for me. If you remember I attempted to do a 3 day complete fast to pray for Topher who is fighting cancer. I am sad to say that although I did devote my prayer time to him, I shortened it to a 24 hr fast and had dinner with my family on the 2nd. I have known that I can not completely fast much longer than that because of the energy my children need me to have, I was however hoping that my resolve would take me further.
So here is how I am doing so far.

Struggles:
Today I happened to be listening to the news (something I hardly ever do) and heard the wonderful accounts of salmonella poisoning by the very same sprouts I have been serving my family all weekend. So please check your sprouts online they originally thought just clover sprouts but it appears that many other varieties have also been affected. We have yet to see any symptoms other than some fevers that I believe are unrelated, as we have also been battling a virus.
In other news, my headache has begun, it has come and gone over the last 24 hrs or so. It is most definitely a sign of needing more water and lack of sugar. I am still drinking coffee so it's not caffeine!


Triumphs:

I have yet to "cheat"! I picked up some unsweetened almond milk for my coffee addiction. I am drinking only 1 cup a day. Today I have already consumed 32 oz of water and will be herbal tea and water the rest of the day. As for my prayer time and bible study I am focusing on a word study of Joy. I have not ever fully done aword study so some tips and ideas would be great! I am using BLB to read any and every passage containing joy. I have noticed that most references to joy include other people for example :

For I have derived much joy and comfort from your love, my brother, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you.
Philemon 1:7

For what thanksgiving can we return to God for you, for all the joy that we feel for your sake before our God,
1 Thessalonians 3:9

There are many many more but it is a great reminder that when we take our focus off ourselves and look at what God is doing in others lives we will naturally be filled with the joy of the spirit. As I decided to track my months joy and my progress on the Daniel Fast. I realized I wanted to share with you what God is teaching me along the way.

Lesson Number One: Stop focusing on yourself so much and look at what God is doing in lives around you!

Joy Thief Number One: Naval gazing! Also known as self focus or selfishness.

Application: Stop worrying about yourself and what is happening in your own life for a while. I don't mean ignore your responsibilities or what God is doing in your life, rejoice in them! But get some perspective, look outside and see the beauty in others! Stand beside someone who needs someone to lean on, go spend time with a neighbor who's driveway is always empty or who never leaves home. Stop and talk to that lady on the corner holding the sign. Or the quiet man sitting in the open alone behind you. Bring some joy into someone else's life, share a funny story on FB, encourage a friend who is struggling with life's challenges. Be a listener and look for opportunities in your community to bless someone with the joy you have! We all know the blessing of helping others we all can remember the joy we have felt in doing so. It is an easy way to spread and gain some joy! I will be looking at my own home, my own family for ways to share some joy. I personally am an over achiever when it comes to helping others and serving others and finding ways to make others laugh. This is often at the expense of my family. I steal time from my own boys and husband to help others. It's time for me to re- focus on my family and find ways to bless them.

Recipes to try: Breakfast: PB and Berry smoothie! About 2 tbs PB, 1/4 cup mixed berries, a handful of fresh spinach, 1/2 cup each apple juice and almond milk. A banana would have been perfect to mix in if I had had one!
lunch: Miso soup! Amounts to your liking of chopped celery, and onion or leak sauted in the bottom of a small pot. Then add about 1/4 of firm tofu in small cubes. 1-2 cups of water or veg. stock, and 2-3 tbs of Miso paste. I currently have mellow red but have used yellow as well. You can usually find it in the cold section of the natural foods section in the grocery store or of course a PCC or other co-op.
Dinner tonight will be a black bean and acorn squash soup! Haven't written out a recipe but I will pass it on when I do :) I am pretty excited to use my new immersion blender for this! LOL

Thank you for reading! I wish you all Joy!

2011 goals

And my soul shall be joyful in the Lord: it shall rejoice in his salvation.
Psalm 35:9

As I begin the new year, I begin a renewing of my body and spirit. My goal for this new year is a healthier more joyful self. Many of you know my undying love for all things food. After my recent experience of trying out for Master Chef I realized how much of my personal joy is wrapped up in food. Before going any further you must realize I am in no way saying this is wrong, or that my experience has left me joyless in this area! I believe God gives us joy in all of his creation, whether it be the enormous mountains or the raging ocean, if it be each other or in the things we ourselves have the pleasure of creating! I will never minimize the blessings God gives us in enjoying food and drink and the time we spend with each other eating and drinking. Or the joy that is found in creating things to eat. I am simply recognizing my own propensity to put too much expectation for joy in food. Where it has taken on a role in my life that can at times cause me to be prideful in a hurtful way.

So that being said my two goals for the next year is first to be healthier, I am beginning a cleansing fast that I hope to continue for the entire month of January. I have researched and considered many way to go about this. I am choosing to follow the Daniel Fast. The main reason for this choice is a good friend of mine invited me to join a group that is doing this together. Support is going to be a huge factor in my success. It is also a very healthy diet consisting of mostly fruit,vegetables, legumes and whole grains, all things that I eat anyway! I will be fasting from dairy, meat, sugars and processed foods. I know the cheese is calling my name as we speak , and it took all i could muster to not grab some chocolate off the shelf at the store today! Those will be my biggest vices throughout this month. I know that if I can just get past the first two weeks I might have a chance! No worries I will be paying close attention to my protein intake and iron. And tracking my energy levels. The Daniel Fast in it's strictest form prohibits coffee, have no fear I too would like to still have 3 children when this is all over! That being said black coffee will remain a vital part of my morning and afternoon. My hope is that this hiatus from a life focused on the next meal will give me some perspective. It will cause me to shift my source of joy back to where it should be, people and Jesus.

I am not sure when it happened or how but somewhere along the way I have lost some joy. Ok a lot of joy You know it and I know it, I have warped into this crabby frustrated complaining old hag. LOL I can laugh because I said it myself! This last year it has been a struggle for me to see the goodness in Gods plan, I have found myself questioning His love and promises of Joy. Why do we have to live in this struggle for joy? I know without a doubt that out God is a loving father who want s nothing more than to see his children shout with joy and laugh until we cry, not occasionally but daily! I know that this world is FULL up of sadness and sorrow and depravity but why do we need to let it get to us so much? I have spent the last year agonizing over the whys behind so many tragedies I have watched around me, children abused by their "protectors" , illness and disease ravaging homes and leaving loved ones confused and bitter, senseless and brutal violence towards undeserving and helpless victims. I hardly doubt I need to go on . I have also seen those same tragedies bring people together in a way that can only be a testament to the power of hope and faith. Hope in perfect world and perfect existence. A faith in each other as we catch glimpses of the children god created us to be. The people he designed us to become in His perfection. I have watched as a mother surrounds her family with as many moments of joy as she can, while she watches as cancer tries to steal her baby. I have seen relationships torn by time and pain rebuilt with joy and love and perseverance. I have seen the selflessness of a community poured into one family until they were so blessed with stuff they could hardly speak. I have also watched as families crumbled around me because thieves snuck
in and stole their joy in each other. So here it is my confession, I have allowed something to steal my joy and I will be finding it again. In my family for the sake of them. But most importantly in my God who is my salvation, who gives joy, who created joy. I will take a lesson from those families, that in the midst of their sorrow, have shown me how to have joy despite circumstances. I will be devoting time to seeking Joy in our Lord through prayer and reading of scripture. My hope is that as I begin this year you will join with me in prayer to guard your own hearts from the things and people and circumstances that try to steal you joy that you would with me give thanks to our creator who has blessed us with each other and his vast creation to find joy in.